I have a feeling I like drama. I leave everything to the last minute and then hope and pray it all works out. Why do I do this to myself? I always say next time will be different – better. Well, when next time rolls around I’m still scrambling to get everything done. It doesn’t even matter what it is.
It’s like I get some twisted pleasure from not having everything sorted out. And then when I’m overwhelmed I complain because there is just so much; how will I ever finish; the world is ending!
Somehow, I pull it all together and I come out okay.
But why do I create this needless abuse? What is the point?
Do I not like being happy and enjoying school? Do I like stress and drama and ripping out my hair?
I would like to say no. I would also then be lying. I don’t try to like it (I think it’s all subconscious... boy would Skinner have fun trying to condition me) yet I continuously do it. Maybe if I wasn’t so good at dealing with pressure and feeling like my world is crumbling things would be different.
Maybe if the whole will I or won’t I scenario didn’t light my fire...
But I do my best under pressure. If I don’t feel as though the weight of the world is on my shoulders, nothing gets done because there is nothing motivating me. It’s the damn procrastinator in me (I really need to do something about my laziness, it can’t be healthy).
On another note: I’m really getting into the whole swing of blogging... I remember when I thought all bloggers were silly – thought the whole thing was a waste of time (obviously, I was wrong!).
Jeesh, next thing you know I’ll be on twitter.