Tuesday, April 20, 2010

My Cat Is Defective - In The Nicest Way

Back in December my sister rescued an eight month old Birman cat that was being abused by two kids – pushing and pulling her. They were so cruel the cat ran into the wild and it took months for her to be caught. Some may call this stealing, since, you know, the owners think their cat was eaten by a coyote. But the kids were horrible and horrible kids only get coal. Parents teach us this at a young age, so....
I feel no remorse.
Anyway, so we got this cat. Since Sister was hailed as The Saviour, she got the honour of naming the new addition to our family. After vetoing such jewels as Cat, Baileys, Rock, and It she settled on Sidewalk. That’s right.
Your aren’t suddenly dyslexic and reading this wrong. She really named the cat Sidewalk. After several days of the...unmitigated genius of that, Sister decided to shorten Sidewalk to Mia. How Mia is the short way of saying Sidewalk, I'm uncertain. I am, however, thankful.  
Sidewalk was really only funny for an hour.
Mia Sidewalk (her official name) is not a normal cat. And just in case you’re sitting there, wallowing in disbelief, I will offer you evidence, with pictures (when applicable) of the eight reasons why she is superior to other cats.
First: She's bipolar (and crazy!). One second she's all I love you, and cuddling and purring like it's a competitive sport. Then, suddenly, she snaps and goes all attack (half-the time she's still purring at this stage....probably because being vicious makes her happy - I do understand this). ]

This is her attack face. Are you frightened?

During psycho stage, she bites really hard. She will also rip around the house jumping over furniture and flying across wood flooring. It's intense. And loud (that thing about cats being light on their feet? Yeah, it's a lie). She also does these crazy high flying leaps, like an Olympian. No joke.

One second she's gnawing on your hand, the next, she's licking it again, purring and totally ready for a several hour nap.

Second: she makes friends with other animals she's wired to hate. Meaning, my dog. They play fight all the time: he pins her and bites, she bites and scratches. They sneak up on each other and go crazy, but never actually try to hurt the other. Tye (my dog) chases her up trees, which is very amusing. He'll jump up the tree and bite at her butt if she's too low. Also, once, he figured out she needs to back all the way down the tree, and he can knock her off when she gets low enough... she didn't like that too much.

And yet, while they play, the truly strange thing is that they cuddle. Also, he's locked outside all day and when he get's let in every afternoon, she gets really excited and they animal kiss (with their noses). They greet each other like best friends who haven't seen each other in days (instead of only hours). It's, honestly, very sweet.


Third: she actually enjoys her bath. The other day she allowed herself to float in the water. Float. Now how many ingrained biological instincts is that going against? I couldn't snap a picture of her floating (she knew I wanted one and was being difficult).

Note, however, the utter lack of claws.

And how sweet she looks walking around in the tub, and not trying to escape. You can see all the shampoo floating around! Yikes. But she's really soft after. I bathe her every week so to prevent me dying of allergies. [yes, I am allergic to my cat, but only her saliva so as long as she's bathed I'm fine]

Fourth: The simplest things amuse her. Fingers under blankets, fingers in general, string, anything really. She also has the toy racoon she goes psycho over. But I've never seen her so excited than when there's a bbox lying around. She twists and turns and curls in it, both using it as a complex plaything (how, I don't know, but she sees it) and as a sleeping cubby.

Fifth: she's a thief. Nothing is safe, not hairties, bobby pins, pens, or makeup brushes. Everything is fair game and she will take it and hide it all. She also tries to steal my laptop. Try being the operative word. She does a magnificent job of chewing at the corners and lying on the keypad when I'm typing because she wants it. So far, I'm still winning this one.

Sixth: she's clever. Dangerously so. I could go on about how smart she is but I'll just give you one example: she was locked in my room and was scratching at the door. She was annoyed it wouldn't open and I refused to acknowledge her cries. She stretched up and tried twice to pull at the handle of my door (she's seen me do it many times). She suceeded. Mia opened the door by using the handle. Blows your mind, doesn't it? 

Seven: her favorite food is Cheese Whiz. She goes crazy for that yellow, smooth, goodness.

Eight: she never shuts up. I've never seen a cat who talked so much. She meows constantly. Everyday she meows at me to clean her litter. She wakes me up everyday by meowing at me, her face centimeters from mine (this happens periodically throughout the night as well). She meows when I have to go to school, or out with my friends. She meows when I'm gone (which annoys my mom). She meows when she wants to play and when she wants more attention. She also meows for the hell of it. I know all of this because they all sound different.

If you hadn't noticed, I'm so one of those crazy cat ladies. This post is very long. If you didn't finish it. Well, your loss. My cat is fantastic. This should be very obvious. She's also crazy, but that's why I love her so much.

Anybody out there got any pets they love?


  1. hahah this was soo cute and Im not even a cat person! I love the bath pics :) my family is getting a puppy soon so I will do a post on it when we get it :)

  2. Hahah I love this post and I stand by everything you just wrote about your cat she's nuts!!! I love the pictures, esspecially the one of tye and Mia. Cause I have not seen that one. I do have a favorite pet--- yours hahah! Anyways I know I always say this but your writing is so captivating, even when your just writing about your cat. I am just proud to have you as my best friend. And I love the music you gave me- I'm listening to it right now. And I looooove my drawing pad. Stupid school, I'd rather just stay home and draw, but don't I always? Anyways I hope you ace your other tests!! Bye

  3. Ugh! I like animals, but from afar. At least reading about them is pleasant and satisfying. Then I think about them touching me and I get grossed out. Glad you love Mia SOOOOO psycho crazy much!

  4. Precisely, you are right


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