Friday, August 13, 2010

Confessing Friday

I hate writing.

Let me back pedal a bit before your jaw clenches so tight you give yourself a toothache.

I hate writing. Sorry. I needed to say it again, this is rather freeing. I sort of get why Catholics like to go to confession now. It’s liberating.

The act of writing itself brings me no joy. It bugs me, makes me want to kill my laptop/pen and – in the end – does nothing but disappoint me. An intricately detailed world fills 90% of my subconscious mind and at least half of my consciousness – every tiny detail, every nuance is there. Characters every twitch adds to their self, thousands of years of history in every stone (yes, I have thousands of years of back story for my world), and emotions overwhelm me with every scene (feeling what seven other people are feeling all at once is a nightmare. Seriously. I wouldn’t wish being an empath on anyone!).

Every facet of the world and story is vivid, so crystal clear in my head that words cannot do it justice. My words fail me. They aren’t enough. They can’t convey all they must. Words are insufficient.

The act of trying to find words that can encompass a mere fraction of what’s inside of me – the living, breathing reality inside of my head – is nothing less than torture.

I hate writing.

This is not a post about me being depressing or upset or looking for encouragement. That isn’t the point. I will never like writing. I know this.

What I love, on the other hand, is storytelling. I love characters and emotion and dialogue and journeys. I love story. And, to me, the best art form for expressing story – with subtlety, intricacy and a greater sense of purpose – is the written word.

I have characters who scream and demand my attention. I need to exorcise the – for lack of a better term – demons who rampage through the caverns of my mind and wreak havoc, leaving chaos in their wake. The only way to sort the wreckage is to write. Writing is the only form of release, the only escape, the mechanism that grants balance.

Writing is as vital to my well-being as breathing – that doesn’t mean I like it.

Maybe this made no sense and your teeth hurt and you want to smack me but todays about honesty so, if you’re up for it, your turn.

Word Of The Day: Avowal - acknowledgement. 

PS. Thank you for all the well-wishes on the bartending course! As of August 12 2010 I am a certified Bartender. I finished with flying bottles (not really but wouldn't that of been cool) pouring myself to a a magnificent 99%. (And you can bet I will never forget a brand of premium single malt scotch on a written exam ever again!)

Drinks are on me tonight.


  1. Congratulations on the bartending license! Seems I'm a little slow on reading posts this week so I'm sorry I missed it!!!

    I understand that a lot of writers/authors have things they dislike about writing. I am not a fan of revisions, and it's not the fact that I'm changing the entire story, it's normally because I don't know where to begin, it's new, the feeling of attacking 60,000 words sounds like quite a goal, but step by step I'm learning it isn't so bad. Thanks to some awesome crit partners.

    PS I love writing and story telling, it just fits me, words are my life and for some reason whether I'm writing a report at work or storytelling I like it all, even if the voices in my head overwhelm me.

  2. i loved this post!
    when i write, it's like watching a movie in reverse. i see it all in my head and try to recapture it on the computer. but the thing is, a lot of times it doesn't come out the same when i try to convert it into words. i'll get a word or two wrong- the image will distort. most of the time i get frustrated and tackle the sentence again...
    but sometimes the distorted image will give me whole new ideas, and the story will end up going places that i hadn't imagined.
    it's sort of like painting. sometimes the misstrokes and flaws add depth to the image.
    still though, i totally understand where you're coming from. i wouldn't venture so far to say i HATE writing (i actually find it very fun), but i find writing to be frustrating, stressful, and often dissappointing .
    congrats on the certification!

  3. MELISSA, go to my blog right now!!! Today I posted a couple links and quotes about writing for joy vs. writing for money. Our minds must be on the same wavelength. So bizarre!

  4. Great post Melissa :)

    I'm with you - story telling is the best. I love getting lost in the world of my characters, feeling what they feel, seeing what they see.

    I would say I love writing, getting the words on the page - forming beautiful sentences that sing. My biggest angst is wondering if my singing sentences are actually good enough.
    If I don't hate writing, I have to admit that it is the HARDEST thing I will ever do.

    Congrats to the bartender too! Good work :)

  5. Congrats and good luck with the bartending!

    And thanks for the drink. It's hot out so a gin and tonic would go down good. Thanks:)

    I get what you mean about writing and story telling.

  6. What a great post! It's not such a bad confession, actually. The writing part you hate is probably the critic on the shoulder, whispering to you, when those creative voices buzzing around in your brain are much more interesting. So enjoy the storytelling!

  7. most excellent distinction! I LOVE it...

    I hate revising. :D Let me be distinct, I hate revising in the dark...

  8. Hey. Congrats on bartending school. It's what you wanted, so YAY YOU!!!!

    As far as your post today, I love it!!! And love and hate are so closely related. Isn't that why when we fall for a guy or girl, alot of times we hate them first? It's the emotions they stir up in us. It's the same for me in writing. I'll be working on a scene - searching for the exact words to convey the emotions, conflict, smells of that moment - and for the life of me, the right words won't come. It's enough to make me want to burn things. Usually I just swear, but hate. hate. hate. comes to mind. Then, almost magically, after a time, the right word or words come and, ah - it's LOVE!!! JOY!!! Writing is a love/hate relationship for me.
    I guess that was my long version of saying, "I understand." LOL =D

  9. I feel your frustration with words! What I'm seeing in my head doesn't always come out on the paper. I have good days, GREAT days and bad days. The hard part is getting that vision out of my head onto paper.

    My honest confession? I have a cavity that broke a piece off my tooth last week and I'm trying to figure out how to get it fixed without telling my husband (who is so tired of paying for my teeth). I'm scared to tell him. If I leave it, though, it will end up being more expensive. Boring, I know. But it's my latest obsession.

  10. You, for some reason, are NOT showing up in my Google Reader! Grr. . .I'm going to go smack it a few times.

    Congrats on becoming a bartender!! I knew you could do it. :)

    Also: I think every one hates some part of the writing part - I hate beginning a freaking WIP because I either start too early (which is rare) or too late. Also, I hate how *little* the word count is.

    I do love storytelling, though. I think you have to in order to be a writer.

    Drink something for me, will ya? I can't drink alcohol because most of it contains gluten! Oh, woe is me. . . *eye roll*

  11. Many people love playing their instruments but they hate practicing. That's okay. If your love for storytelling is big enough, (which it sounds like it is!), you'll get over the writing hurdle.

    Congrats on being a bartender! You can make a lot of money in tips!! :)

  12. Oh, I know what you mean! I love storytelling too, but with writing itself, sometimes it seems as though there are so many rules we need to adhere to. Great post!

    And congrats on being certified!!

  13. I love writing, I love composing the wondrous story roaming in my head, I love sharing what I’ve done... but I hate editing.

    Take editing out and you eliminate all my headaches and the world would be a much better place.

  14. I love the writing, I really do. But once the first draft is finished and the long, broken glass and rusty nails road of revisions begins, there's plenty of hate to go around.

    Dear lord I hate revising. *weeps*

    Angela @ The Bookshelf Muse

  15. I can see that you are an expert at your field! I am launching a website soon, and your information will be very useful for me.. Thanks for all your help and wishing you all the success.


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