This September, my baby sister went to a University in a Alberta. (For those unfamiliar with Canadian geography or have forgotten where I, myself, live I'll simplify: she moved to a different Province.)
This past weekend, something awful happened to her. (I won' bore you with details.) I had so many solutions, so many ways for her to avoid it. When it was clear avoidance was impossible, the distance between us stretched to ridiculous proportions (at least in my head it did). If I was there, I could've accompanied her, eased the tension and given her support.
I came to an awful realization: I couldn't protect her.
The sad truth is we can't always protect the people we love. Even when it kills us not to be there. And, sometimes, protecting them is really just sheltering them and we're, in a round about way, only hurting them. When something huge happens and they have to deal with it themselves, the lack of small successes over the years, really shows.
It's the same in our books. No matter how much you love your characters, you can't protect them. If you do, you're only hurting your story. You are actually doing a disservice - no one wants to read about characters when their problems are too easy and it is obvious the author is coddling them.
As awful as this sounds: it's good that my heart breaks and I want to cry when I think of all the stuff my characters must survive during my trilogy.
Twisted? Maybe. True? Undoubtedly.
Do you struggle with hurting your characters? Or is it easy?
It's not twisted, it's a very good analogy...and I'm sorry about your broken heart, I hope it heals.
ReplyDeleteThis is a new viewpoint that I really like, thanks for the post!
I hope feel better about your sister, and you're right about not protecting your characters. I like the picture you picked too, of the two kids hugging. So cute.
ReplyDeleteI have a baby sister who I love dearly, and I can completely identify. It’s agonizing having to watch them, helplessly, from a distance. Hope you deal with it better than I do.
ReplyDeleteIn contrast, my characters have to face the world on their own. Oh, and with all my neurosis, problems, etc, projected into them for good measure. If you can’t upset your characters, who can you upset? :)
The enigmatic, masked blogger
Sorry your sister went through something awful. I struggle with this protection thing with my daughter. She'll be on her own next year and I recently realized all my sheltering was doing her a disservice. Now she has to do all the stuff I'd normally just do. She may not like it now, but in the long run, she'll be better for it.
ReplyDeleteI don't worry so much about protecting my characters. If I shelter them, the story suffers. So, I throw horrible things at them on purpose and make them work through the pain. The hard part is finding new things to throw and new ways for them to survive. LOL
I don't have a problem torturing my characters, but when it comes to my baby sister, I'd do anything to protect her. Sometimes it's just not possible though, and I'm sure that's a good thing.
ReplyDeleteMy head agrees with you about protecting the ones we love. My heart tells my head to go sulk somewhere else and will do anything to protect them. Actually my girls haven't turned out too bad - they told me recently that they appreciate now the way we molly-coddled them when they were younger. They knew that they were loved and did not envy in the least their school friends who were given freedom and responsibility, but struggled to find love.
ReplyDeleteAs for my characters, I'm trying to be brave, and I do know that I have to turn up the heat a bit, but *sniffle* it is very hard!
:Dom
eeks! i know what you mean! my mom and dad were in england last week (we're american) and my mom got really sick and put in the hospital, and i really really wanted to help her!!! but the STUPID ATLANTIC OCEAN was in the way!!!! GRRRRRR!!!!!
ReplyDeletei'm not sure if i coddle my characters... i'll have to think about that... thanks!
I have trouble hurting them and their goals with external plot complications. I can usually think of all kinds of ways to put them in emotional turmoil.
ReplyDeleteUgh, I hate not being able to protect my characters! That's one of my worst weaknesses--I need to make them suffer more, but it's just awful. I hope your sister is doing ok!
ReplyDeleteI used to, but now I know that no one wants to read about someone who is protected, who doesn't make their own stupid decisions and learn from their mistakes.
ReplyDeleteI've been too sympathetic to my characters before (mostly when I was just starting out writing), and it makes them boring. So I like to think doing bad things to them is for their own good. ;)
yes, yes yes, Melissa! This is so good and true. And I struggle w/it. You might remember my fretting over my last MS where something bad happens to MC... ugh! But it deepens the story~ :o) <3
ReplyDeleteThis is an excellent point. I've learned so much about this as I've been re-writing my novel and sharing it with my crit group.
ReplyDeleteI had a hard time with this when I first started writing, but now I'm better about hurting the characters I love. ;)
ReplyDeleteI hope your sister works things out okay!
ReplyDeleteWhenever I'm reading, I always wonder how in the world the author could do such a thing to her characters?!? (This crosses my mind throughout Harry Potter!) But when I'm writing, I don't seem to have as much a problem with it. Perhaps it's because I'm writing a draft, but when I'm reading a published novel, it's the finished product? I don't know. Maybe when I'm published someday, I'll ask myself how could I ever have done those things to my characters, lolol!
Hope everything is alright with your sister. I feel this way when I just think about moving away from my brother. :(
ReplyDeleteAs for writing, yea, I felt this way too. Even with short stories I get connect to the characters and even though I know I have to do it to them, still hurts a bit.
So true! No one wants to read about someone who gets everything they want without a struggle.
ReplyDeleteGosh, hope your sister is okay!
ReplyDeleteI love hurting my characters. Not sure what that says about me?! I'm a sadist, I guess!
Sorry about your sister! Reality is a tough teacher.
ReplyDeleteI didn't enjoy hurting my main character, but I sure dropped some awful things on him.
I love the picture- you hugging her and glaring up at the picture taker- great one.
ReplyDeleteThe burden you face not being able to be there is magnified 100 times when you are the parent.
I 100% agree that to coddle a character is death to a book. As a reader, it is nice at times to see character overcome, gives one hope that we can overcome our own obstacles.
True that...
ReplyDeleteNice new layout!
And I hope your sister is okey???
I hope your sister is okay!
ReplyDeleteAnd, I completely agree with hurting our characters. It's so hard, but it is necessary.
I hope that your broken heart heals. And I hope that your sister is okay!
ReplyDeleteSometimes I have trouble hurting my characters, and other times it's easy enough--it depends on the sort of conflict that's going on. Physical injuries can be a lot easier than emotional/psychological injuries.
I hope your sister is alright!
ReplyDeleteI don't like hurting my characters--I love those guys. But I know it's got to be done, so I tough it out anyway.
As a parent I know how hard it is not to be able to spare the people you love from being hurt. I hope your sister is all right.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to make your characters suffer, but it's through suffering that they grow and learn. Plus, it makes for great story telling.
Great post!
Great point... and its so true.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel; I'm an older sister too. Hope things work out for your sis!
ReplyDeleteI used to have no problem being mean to my characters, but lately, I don't know. I think I'm getting soft. :P
Is it me or am I the only one here that loves finding horrible things to do to my characters? i'm so bad *hangs head*
ReplyDeleteThis is a truth I wish every parent could learn before they have children. My sister is now suffering because she was coddled all her life.
ReplyDeleteI always say to the parents in my room, if a child doesn't fall down, how do they learn to get up?
My shelved wip has an MC that suffers all the time and I don't spare her too much. She is what she must be. It's harder for her to see the suffering of those she cares for-because of her, but she continues on....
Currently, the MC's suffering occurred beforehand and will again...
Keeping your sister and your family in prayers and thoughts....
Oh so true Melissa. Some of the things I do to them, I really don't want to :( But it has to be done. They have to suffer to make the story better- it's their scrifice to me.
ReplyDeleteOh I forgot to mention- hope your sister is allright. I know what you mean about wanting to be right there with her.
ReplyDeleteI hope your sister is ok.
ReplyDeleteI don't enjoy letting my characters get hurt, but if it forms part of a story, I'll allow it.
On the other hand I HATE unnecessary cruelty to characters. I actually wrote a post about it once.
There's protacting and then there's ripping the pain out of proportion...
The latter is just as bad for the story, but for some reason, some people don't realize it.
I hope your sister is ok.
ReplyDeleteI don't enjoy letting my characters get hurt, but if it forms part of a story, I'll allow it.
On the other hand I HATE unnecessary cruelty to characters. I actually wrote a post about it once.
There's protacting and then there's ripping the pain out of proportion...
The latter is just as bad for the story, but for some reason, some people don't realize it.
Like the others, I hope your sister is okay! But I know what you mean. Take Suzanne Collins by example. I don't believe she coddled any of her characters. Also, it's of no service to always jump to "help." No matter what --our characters, our siblings, our spouses, our friends-- need to stand on their own to feet. Of course, we'll always be there to catch them when they fall...
ReplyDeleteI loved this. I don't find it hard to hurt my character because I as the writer know the outcome. Though I do know my character is angry for awhile they'll realize that without pain and suffering there is no sunshine. It's like the real world, you can never get away from it, it's haunting you, what you make of it is the end result.
ReplyDeleteAlways looking for light at the end of the tunnel!
PS did you see our blogfest numbers?! HUGE!
Jen/Jules
So true! You hate to be "mean" but it wouldn't be a story if nothing hard ever happened to them.
ReplyDeleteYES! Love this analogy. It's a difficult life lesson for us and our characters!
ReplyDeleteI don't mind hurting my characters but I sometimes cry when I do it. LOL. I only hope the readers cry when they read it.
ReplyDeleteFantastic analogy, Melissa. I'm sorry your sister is having a hard time, though. ((hugs)) (to you AND to her!)
ReplyDeleteTension and conflict are so important, so yes, I do mean things to my characters. Because peace and easy lives are what we all want, but maybe not when reading a book!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great thought, thank you! I hadn't really thought about it from this point of view before--I certainly understood that you can't protect your characters, or there's no story, but I'm not sure I'd really thought about how it would impact on the reader in terms of interest/likeability.
ReplyDeleteHope you and your sister are both okay.
All the time. Its so hard...
ReplyDeleteBut I hope your sister feels better! I know how much it sucks not to be able to protect the ones you love (my whole family is in another country) =(
My crit partner always marvels at how easily I can torture my MC. Hope that doesn't reflect poorly on me! I now Thea can handle it...I think.
ReplyDeleteI am sooooo evil when it comes to my characters. I love throwing things in their way! I love to really mess with them, scare them. Wicked, I am!
ReplyDeleteThat is the CUTEST picture ever. EVER. I love it. That 'don't you mess with my sister' look is priceless.
I'm so sorry that your sister had something bad happen. It's hard having younger siblings. Often you want to save them from everything, but sometimes they have to learn for themselves. I hope your sister is okay. Sometimes all you can do is give a hug or a virtual (((hug))).
ReplyDeleteHi I agree with you! We can't molly coodle them and let them find their own way.
ReplyDeleteHey Lynne Marshall's answering questions over at my blog!
www.nas-dean.blogspot.com
I can empathise with you here as my old and infirmed parents live 2.5hrs drive away and it tugs at my heart . I hope your sister has recovered from her ordeal, whatever it was. Great analogy with character emotional development in writing.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry and hope your sister is better and so are you.
ReplyDeleteNancy
N. R. Williams, fantasy author