This excerpt is from my next story idea. I plan to write this book when school's out but here's a glimpse into my novel writing future (in less than 250 words):
The tip of Fay’s dagger presses against my throat. The heat of her wild magic makes my throat itch and burn but if I move, I know she’ll kill me. Morgana could bring me back from the dead but I know I won’t come back right. I’d be as mindless and empty as Mom after Morgana tried it on her.
I say, “I didn’t know you’d be here.”
“You’re at my house, Oliver.” Green sparks run up and down her black hair.
I take a mental photograph of the way her body curves, all coiled power and sin. I know my memory won’t do her justice but it’s all I have since she decided Morgana and I were evil.
“We don’t have to be enemies Fay. Morgana’s prepared to forgive you for betraying-” I shut up when Fay flips her dagger into her wrist holster and wraps her tiny fingers around my throat. It’s so nice to have her touching me again.
Fay’s grip tightens but then she drops her hands. Her breath tickles my neck, “I can’t kill you Ollie. I should but-”
“You still love me.” I whisper.
She bites her lip and my resistance crumbles. If she finds the courage to finish me, so be it.
I kiss her. And she’s kissing me back, as untamed and feverish as ever. I’m unsure how much my heart can swell before it bursts.
Fay should know she’s never needed daggers or magic to kill me.
Let me know what you think! How was your weekend? Any plans this week? (It's midterm week for me...excuse me while I go off and die! Except, not really, because that's way too melodramatic.)
Also, Happy Valentines Day!
Oh nice! Have fun wit this one. :D
ReplyDeleteTwo lines jump out at me "all coiled power and sin" and "never needed daggers or magic to kill me". This piece pulled me right in!
ReplyDeleteAgree with Jenna's picks. SO GOOD!!
ReplyDeleteOh, and I LOVE the name Morgana!! One of my mss has a character with the same name! *fist pump*
Best of luck with your midterms!! Looks like I'll be heading in that direction soon :(
Ooooo....does she kill him with love?
ReplyDeleteGreat excerpt!
I love his voice! Swoooooon. This sounds like such a fun story to write!
ReplyDeleteI’m unsure how much my heart can swell before it bursts. Why, hello, awesome line! Nice scene! Nice reading a guy's POV!
ReplyDeleteVery nice. Can't wait to read the whole thing!
ReplyDeleteHow did you manage this and mid-terms? That's what I want to know. Loved the voice and description. I'd like to read more. Very intriguing. Good luck with mid-terms. *barf*
ReplyDeleteLove the tension!
ReplyDeleteOooo. Love the last line and this one: "all coiled power and sin." Great stuff. Looks like you've got a great future start here.
ReplyDeleteOoh, I love that last line. Says so much!
ReplyDeleteooo... me likey! All coiled power and sin... and she's never needed daggers or magic to kill me. awesome stuff!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mel~ :o) <3
Love that last line. Speaks volumes.
ReplyDeleteWow - it sounds very intriguing! There's so much fun to be had with those love/hate relationships~ :) Thanks for sharing and happy v-day to you!
ReplyDeleteVery nice! Great tension!
ReplyDelete"never needed daggers or magic to kill me"--LOVE that!! :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm with Jenna, those same two lines really jumped out at me, too.
ReplyDeleteNice images there.
Um, DAMN, girl!
ReplyDeleteFirst, that last line is made of friggin' awesome.
And then this line: "I take a mental photograph of the way her body curves, all coiled power and sin." WHOA! <<<333!!!!
Sounds great! Have a great Valentine's day!
ReplyDeleteSUPER stuff, Melissa!!! Impressive! Good luck writing it - most of all, have fun! Looks like a fun book to write.
ReplyDeleteDanger and passion. What more could a reader want?
ReplyDeleteSaweet! Love this. I can't wait to read more. Good luck with those midterms.
ReplyDeleteI really like the last line. Makes me want to read the book!
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I loved the daggers line! Not over the top, for me.
ReplyDelete:)
Fay should know she’s never needed daggers or magic to kill me.<33
ReplyDeleteWow that was awesome! Gave me chills.
ReplyDeleteNice to see I'm not the only sicko writing Damned kisses. Love it. Haapy V day.
ReplyDeleteOMG, that final sentence is killer.
ReplyDeleteWow! Great action scene and love the kiss! ;-)
ReplyDeleteH.O.T.
ReplyDeleteLove it!!
I love this, especially the last line. That says it all. :D
ReplyDelete"You still love me".... *sigh* great line right there!
ReplyDeleteMmmmm, I love that last line! Happy Valentine's Day!
ReplyDeleteTotal awesomeness.
ReplyDeleteSorry, I can't be nearly as well-spoken as that excerpt so that will have to do!
The last sentence rocks the whole piece. Great job and what a great voice.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like there's an interesting backstory behind these two! A dagger at the throat, and then an untamed, wild kiss. Sounds like a great story!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Charli, that last line is awesome. I thought the whole things was great. Sounds like you'll have fun writing it.
ReplyDeleteUGH! SWOOOON! What a beautiful bit of writing!! I love that last line SOO much! But my fav is "I take a mental photograph of the way her body curves, all coiled power and sin." OH! Love it!
ReplyDeleteYour description is so vivid - the colors, the emotions, the sensation. So sexy.
ReplyDeleteLove the last line!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with midterms and happy Valentine's! :)
Dude you freaking nailed it with that last line!! Ollie's whipped and I love it!
ReplyDeleteI love it, Melissa, especially the last line. =D
ReplyDeleteGreat scene. I'm a new follower.
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I'm fanning myself. H-O-T. I can't wait for you to write this so I can read more!!!
ReplyDeleteoh la la! I like these two, a lot! Great kiss!
ReplyDeleteWow! I'm really interested about your book now. ;D From just that small excerpt, you painted a vivid picture. With so little words, too. Awesome! :) (Good luck with midterms!)
ReplyDeleteGreat scene! I love the last line. Sounds like a wonderful story!
ReplyDeleteThat description of her in that moment was wonderful. "All coil and power and sin."
ReplyDeleteEdge of Your Seat Romance
That is an intriguing relationships. Olli is screwed.
ReplyDeleteExciting excerpt. I was a little confused by whose POV it was meant to be. The decsriptions were great :O)
ReplyDeleteI liked your scene too! Wait, have I left a comment on this post before? I hardly remember.
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, in answer to your question, yes, it's an actual angel and an actual demon. ;) Am leaving a link for you to read the beginning of the story (rather unedited to be honest...).
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/240334-angelfall-autumn-of-the-god
Tell me what you think. :)
I liked your scene too! Wait, have I left a comment on this post before? I hardly remember.
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, in answer to your question, yes, it's an actual angel and an actual demon. ;) Am leaving a link for you to read the beginning of the story (rather unedited to be honest...).
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/240334-angelfall-autumn-of-the-god
Tell me what you think. :)
Thrilling stuff Melissa, and some great lines in there! I look forward to purchasing your book some day. :-)
ReplyDeleteOoh.. I absolutely loved it, especially that last line.. And I love that it's from a guy's POV too :)
ReplyDeleteAwesome! I loved the last line and his fatalistic acceptance. Really fantastic.
ReplyDeleteDangerous and steamy. Great entry!
ReplyDeleteHot Hot Hot! nuff said.
ReplyDeleteOk I am recovered. I love dangerous hate fire, love them so much you don't mind getting killed if they want you dead - It is awesome....don't change a word!