Friday, June 11, 2010

Episode 3: Finding Nemo

A Whale Eats Mickey Mouse And A Bloody Nougat: 
The Premeditated Adventures Of Melissa & Ramona.

For previous comics:
Title Page

Episode 3: Finding Nemo

Figurines, pillowcases, a bedspread, stuffed animals, books and pencils all have something in common – aside from the obvious situational factor of being in Ramona’s room - everything is being held together with duct tape.

All of her worldly possessions were ruined when Melissa tried to use her wand. Big strips of the sticky silver stuff obscure half of Ariel’s face as they hold the stuffing inside of her; words are blotted out of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets; Ramona can only see an inch of Quasimodo’s legs.

It took Ramona ages to put everything back together but her things are all so ugly now she doesn't even care that they’re in one piece.

Melissa hasn’t apologized for ruining everything; she keeps saying a quick Reparo will fix the problem but Melissa has yet to master the spell. So for now everything is ruined. Melissa expects Ramona to wait. Melissa expects Ramona to be understanding and patient while she waits.

The worst aspect of the destruction is Melissa’s carelessness; in her single-minded approach she destroyed Ramona’s Disney World Map. Ramona tries so hard to put the glossy paper back together.

She feels like her heart’s been torn from her body, shredded into bleeding strips of muscle and tissue then duct-taped back together.

A week later and Ramona is past heart-broken, she’s past depression and denial. She’s angry. It isn’t the kind of angry where you let it tear your insides apart or when it’s so bad you need to break something. Ramona’s so angry the only solution is to orchestrate Melissa’s total mental deterioration.

Melissa needs to be reduced to a vegetative state, she needs to suffer. And be mindless while she suffers. Ramona has never felt revenge of this magnitude; the feeling is both terrifying and empowering. She feels like she can do anything. (Except put the Map back together.)
She feels like her suffering can be redeemed. She has a plan – a brilliant, horrible plan to play on Melissa’s fears.

Every piece of her scheme is in place: she has the code to Melissa’s house, she knows the interior design, and, most importantly, she has her costume.

Ramona sneaks over to Melissa’s house, punches in the four-digit code (cringing as the door buzzes in acceptance), and uses a flashlight to navigate to Melissa’s room. Her cover’s almost blown by Tye, Melissa’s dog, barking at her. She has to rip the costume off and soothe the dog for several minutes before proceeding.

But proceed she does.

Ramona steps over the clothes scattered across the expanse of Melissa’s room; she’s precariously balanced on the tips of her toes and refrains from breathing. This is extremely difficult considering the sheer weight of her attire.

Ramona comes to a stop at Melissa’s bedside, there’s a bit of drool seeping from Melissa’s mouth as she sleeps, mouth agape.

A creepy, evil smile crosses Ramona’s face and she knows the expression can compare to Melissa’s harshest glare. It’s that terrifying.

She looms over Melissa’s body and taps her shoulder.

Melissa, generally a light sleeper, shifts and her eyes flutter open. She groggily licks her lips, “Hi Nemo.”

A furrow mars Ramona’s brow at her best friend’s sleepy smile. The expression worsens as Melissa rolls over and goes back to sleep.

Without trying Melissa foils all her intricate planning. She wants to make Melissa’s sleep-deprived hallucinations real, to further muddle that ambiguous line of fantasy and reality, to make Melissa crack.

Not even five seconds pass before Ramona is in a full rage, it bubbles in her belly and she’s not quite sure what to do. Why does Melissa have to ruin everything?

And then Melissa’s eyes snap open. Her head whips towards Ramona and she takes a deep breath before letting out a window-smashing, horror-ridden, bloodcurdling scream.

The sound never seems to stop.

Ramona smiles as Melissa continues screaming, her skin deathly pale like she’s bearing witness to the most horrifying thing her imagination can conjure. Somewhere upstairs the dog starts barking (though the noise hardly competes).

Melissa grapples for something under her pillow. With a firm grip on her wand she turns the never-ending scream into two words, directed at Nemo-Ramona. “AVADA KEDAVRA!”

Melissa doesn’t wait to see if Nemo-Ramona crumples to the ground, her covers are over her head in a flash. (Except there’s no green flash because if Melissa can’t master a Reparo she certainly can’t master the death spell.)

The words “Avada Kedavra” are repeated over and over and over again as Melissa rocks back and forth beneath her covers.

Melissa is too far gone to hear Ramona’s deranged laughter as she saunters from the room.

See more of Ramona's artwork. Scroll down to the second entry (the first one is this comic) she has a contest going on for two weeks. All you writers out there: Ramona is talented, if you win you could give her a description of your characters and she would draw them for you (it's what I plan on doing if I win.)

Word Of The DayWight - a human being; any living being, creature; a supernatural being like a witch or a sprite.  


  1. LIAR!! you did not write the thing on the bottom cause I was awesome hah. Do not worry, the story is very funny and brilliant, even if the grammar is not as good as usual haha. The last picture looks like you all the time hahaha. BAM!! Just kidding, well I am only partly kidding. Hey Everyone reading this..Come look at my blog (I did the drawings) Im having a contest. Hahah Melissa will hate me for putting that on this comment, oopsies!

  2. I feel like anything I post here is going to be kind of redundant since I told you all of my opinions earlier, but nonetheless I thought it was really amusing, especially the last picture as that's always how I picture you when you say you haven't slept for a few days. Would be interested in seeing a scan of Ramona's maps, because they sound funny.

  3. "Reparo" is very funny. I need that spell for myself! This seems to get a little darker than the previous ones. But that's good.

  4. Hey!
    thanks for the comment! Whistler is great, it is def. my favourite place in the whole world and i cannot wait to move back there and live! your right about the village its magical aha always so many different colorful people there!


  5. Hey, thanks for the comment! Haha, I write better tired, too, I think being slightly out of it lets me think I little more freely or something. And I love this post! To be honest, I love just about anything that references HP, but I especially love the cartoons! The Nemo hat is my favorite.


Thank you in advance for commenting, I read and appreciate every single word.